Tree-Urn was born from an idea that resonates with a path, a journey, an opening—allowing some to grieve through a simple and meaningful process that honors life. As the French-Chinese writer François Cheng writes in his book “Meditation on Death or Rather on Life“, mourning does not only signify the end of an existence, but also a transition towards a deeper understanding of life itself.
The Importance of Grief in Psychology
Denial or the refusal to accept the departure of a loved one is the source of many afflictions. It is a natural stage of the grieving process, serving as a defense mechanism to soften the immediate pain of loss.
However, if denial persists for too long, it can have profound effects on a person’s mental and emotional health. Suppressed sadness, unexpressed pain, or a refusal to confront reality can lead to anxiety disorders, chronic depression, and even psychosomatic symptoms such as extreme fatigue, unexplained pain, or sleep disturbances.
In some cases, unresolved grief combined with other existing and unresolved issues can escalate into more severe conditions, including obsessive behaviors, a disconnection from reality, or total withdrawal from social life. In extreme cases, it may contribute to personality disorders such as neurosis, paranoia, or, in its most pathological forms, narcissistic perversion (refer to Paul-Claude Racamier’s work, “Narcissistic Perversions”).
Accepting grief means allowing pain to be expressed in order to transform it. It also means creating space to honor the memory of the deceased while continuing on one’s own life journey.
However, “The worst is never certain.” Although grief is difficult, it is also an opportunity for personal growth and inner reconstruction.
The Stages of Grief
The stages of grief are often described through the five-stage model popularized by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. However, grief is a unique and complex process that varies from person to person, and everyone experiences it differently.
- Denial: This first stage involves consciously or unconsciously refusing to acknowledge the reality of the loss. The person may seem distant or lost in thought, disconnected from the present.
- Anger: After denial, feelings of injustice may arise, leading to anger directed at oneself or others. This stage is often accompanied by emotions such as guilt, disgust, or resentment.
- Bargaining: In this third stage, the bereaved may attempt to negate or minimize reality. They might wish to go back in time, change their actions, or find ways to undo the loss.
- Depression: Following the bargaining phase, the person experiences profound sadness and struggles with the absence of their loved one. This stage is marked by despair, difficulty envisioning the future, and emotional resignation.
- Acceptance: This final stage is crucial. The person acknowledges the reality of the loss, gradually rebuilds their life, and finds ways to move forward. While memories of the deceased remain, they become gentler, and the pain lessens over time.
It is important to note that these stages are not linear and may be experienced in a different order or with occasional setbacks. Each person navigates grief at their own pace, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and circumstances.
How Tree-Urn Can Help You Through These Stages
“Help yourself, and heaven will help you.”
Never forget that you are the only one who can truly navigate this journey. The tools we provide are merely a guide to help you find your own resonance. “Know yourself, and you will know… your freedom.”
The idea of associating a tree with the urn is to bring an element of life to this experience. Watching the tree grow and thrive will help you view this transition as part of the cycle of life rather than an end.
You may print or write a message on the urn—one that expresses your final thoughts for the departed: a farewell, a wish for a peaceful journey, a message of love, gratitude, or tribute.
The urn, sealed with its original lid, can be kept in your home for several months. This period allows you to reflect, clarify your thoughts, and cherish shared memories as you find inner peace. It also gives you time to choose a tree or plant that symbolically represents the personality of your loved one, as well as the ideal location for burial.
When you feel ready to say goodbye and let your loved one go, you can proceed with planting the tree inside the urn. This step, infused with intention, awareness, and symbolism, allows you to give meaning to the separation and take an active role in this transition.
You may keep the urn with the tree in your home for a few days or even weeks* and light a candle beside it to illuminate the soul’s journey and offer a final tribute.
Then comes the burial, marking the physical separation and the beginning of a new existence. Letting go and a new beginning.
As days, months, and years pass, you will see the tree live on, grow, bloom with the seasons to offer you support, comfort, and a new perspective on the ultimate ordeal we call death.
To help you formalize and navigate this process, we encourage you to write down your emotions and experiences at each stage.
For all our Francophones friends, as Jacques Lacan once said:
“Écrire des livres – Écrire délivre“
 * François Cheng, whom we will discuss in a future article.
* After a few days or weeks, the urn will begin to release water from watering through its base. Place a protective dish underneath and consider burying it soon.
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