Tree-Urn was born from an idea that resonates with a path, a journey, an opening—allowing some to grieve through a simple and meaningful process that honors life. As the French-Chinese writer François Cheng writes in his book “Meditation on Death or Rather on Life“, mourning does not only signify the end of an existence, but also a transition towards a deeper understanding of life itself.
The Importance of Grief in Psychology
Denial or the refusal to accept the departure of a loved one is the source of many afflictions. It is a natural stage of the grieving process, serving as a defense mechanism to soften the immediate pain of loss.
However, if denial persists for too long, it can have profound effects on a person’s mental and emotional health. Suppressed sadness, unexpressed pain, or a refusal to confront reality can lead to anxiety disorders, chronic depression, and even psychosomatic symptoms such as extreme fatigue, unexplained pain, or sleep disturbances.
In some cases, unresolved grief, especially when combined with earlier unprocessed emotional wounds, can lead to more serious psychological disturbances—such as obsessive behaviors, disconnection from reality, or complete social withdrawal. As psychoanalyst Paul-Claude Racamier explains in his seminal work Le Deuil Originaire (The Original Mourning), a present loss can reactivate what he calls the original mourning: a deep, often unconscious grief linked to early experiences of separation or emotional deprivation in childhood. When this archaic grief resurfaces without being acknowledged or worked through, it can destabilize the psyche, weaken defense mechanisms, and contribute to the development of severe personality disorders such as neurosis, paranoia, or, in its most pathological forms, narcissistic perversion (see also Racamier’s work, “Les Perversions narcissiques”).
Accepting grief means allowing pain to be expressed in order to transform it. It also means creating space to honor the memory of the deceased while continuing on one’s own life journey.
Although grief is a painful ordeal, it is an essential process for the structuring of the psyche and the development of the individual. As a true work of origin, it accompanies growth from the earliest stages of life, runs through the phases of existence, nourishes family and cultural dynamics, and ends only with death—at which point it is passed on to those who remain. It thus opens a space for growth and transformation.
The Stages of Grief
The stages of grief are often described through the five-stage model popularized by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. However, grief is a unique and complex process that varies from person to person, and everyone experiences it differently.
- Denial: This first stage involves consciously or unconsciously refusing to acknowledge the reality of the loss. The person may seem distant or lost in thought, disconnected from the present.
- Anger: After denial, feelings of injustice may arise, leading to anger directed at oneself or others. This stage is often accompanied by emotions such as guilt, disgust, or resentment.
- Bargaining: In this third stage, the bereaved may attempt to negate or minimize reality. They might wish to go back in time, change their actions, or find ways to undo the loss.
- Depression: Following the bargaining phase, the person experiences profound sadness and struggles with the absence of their loved one. This stage is marked by despair, difficulty envisioning the future, and emotional resignation.
- Acceptance: This final stage is crucial. The person acknowledges the reality of the loss, gradually rebuilds their life, and finds ways to move forward. While memories of the deceased remain, they become gentler, and the pain lessens over time.
It is important to note that these stages are not linear and may be experienced in a different order or with occasional setbacks. Each person navigates grief at their own pace, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and circumstances.
How Tree-Urn Can Help You Through These Stages
“Help yourself, and heaven will help you.”
Never forget that you are the only one who can truly navigate this journey. The tools we provide are merely a guide to help you find your own resonance. “Know yourself, and you will know… your freedom.”
The idea of associating a tree with the urn is to bring an element of life to this experience. Watching the tree grow and thrive will help you view this transition as part of the cycle of life rather than an end.
You may print or write a message on the urn—one that expresses your final thoughts for the departed: a farewell, a wish for a peaceful journey, a message of love, gratitude, or tribute.
The urn, sealed with its original lid, can be kept in your home for several months. This period allows you to reflect, clarify your thoughts, and cherish shared memories as you find inner peace. It also gives you time to choose a tree or plant that symbolically represents the personality of your loved one, as well as the ideal location for burial.
When you feel ready to say goodbye and let your loved one go, you can proceed with planting the tree inside the urn. This step, infused with intention, awareness, and symbolism, allows you to give meaning to the separation and take an active role in this transition.
You may keep the urn with the tree in your home for a few days or even weeks* and light a candle beside it to illuminate the soul’s journey and offer a final tribute.
Then comes the burial, marking the physical separation and the beginning of a new existence. Letting go and a new beginning.
As days, months, and years pass, you will see the tree live on, grow, bloom with the seasons to offer you support, comfort, and a new perspective on the ultimate ordeal we call death.
To help you formalize and navigate this process, we encourage you to write down your emotions and experiences at each stage.
For all our Francophones friends, as Jacques Lacan once said:
“Écrire des livres – Écrire délivre“
* François Cheng, whom we will discuss in a future article.
* Paul-Claude Racamier, “Le deuil Originaire“
* After a few days or weeks, the urn will begin to release water from watering through its base. Place a protective dish underneath and consider burying it soon.
Read 👉 Tree Urn: A Psychological Tool to Process Grief
Read 👉 “Coping with Grief: 6 Therapeutic Approaches to Overcome it“
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the meaning behind Tree-Urn?
Tree-Urn was created to accompany the process of mourning through a meaningful and life-honoring ritual. It helps transform grief into growth, allowing the memory of a loved one to live on through the planting of a tree.
Why is grief important in psychology?
Grief plays a vital role in psychological balance. Denial or avoidance of loss can lead to emotional suffering, anxiety, or depression. Accepting and expressing grief allows emotional healing and helps individuals reconnect with life.
What are the five stages of grief?
The five stages of grief, described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These stages are not linear, and each person experiences them differently, at their own pace.
How can unresolved grief affect mental health?
When grief remains unresolved, it can trigger anxiety disorders, chronic depression, or deeper psychological disturbances. As Paul-Claude Racamier explained, unprocessed mourning may reactivate early emotional wounds and lead to severe personality issues.
How does Tree-Urn help with the grieving process?
Tree-Urn helps transform grief into a gesture of life. By planting a tree in memory of the deceased, you create a living symbol of renewal. Watching it grow can bring comfort, peace, and a new perspective on loss.
Can the urn be kept before planting?
Yes. The urn can be kept sealed at home for several months. This period allows you to reflect, honor the memory of your loved one, and choose the most meaningful tree and place for burial.
What message can be written on the urn?
You may write a farewell message, a wish for peace, or words of love and gratitude. This simple yet profound act helps express your emotions and create a lasting symbolic connection with the departed.
What happens after the tree is planted?
Once planted, the urn naturally biodegrades and nourishes the tree. Over time, the growing tree becomes a living memory — a source of comfort, beauty, and life beyond death.
Can Tree-Urn be used indoors before burial?
Yes. The urn with the planted tree can remain indoors for a few days or weeks. However, as it releases water from the base, place a dish underneath and plan to bury it soon afterward.
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